Silent Service: FAIRY SCIENCE IS THE BE-

Smile, Cusk! This one’s going right into the archives!

…No.

Why?

This is dumb. It’s not going to actually fly. All we have is a perfect model of the actual thing. Except, you know, shipgirl sized.

Isn’t that a good thing?

No.

Why not?

First of all. Any attempts to apply fairy energy to mundane, non-fairy derived objects inevitably end in disaster. There’s something very inherently unstable about the particle composition of said energies that tends to result in explosions. I’ve had many, many, many long conversations with the girls and guys who’re really into this stuff. You don’t need to run any more experiments to prove that this is the case.

In context, under normal conditions, no one has yet to figure out how to get outer shell assembled without it rupturing and going the way of dead Abyssals. Then all of a sudden, boom, a proper blueprint shows up. This isn’t normal. R&D’s never, ever, ever, ever-ever this easy! Not to mention we’ve never had actual fairy blueprints. Ever.

But we have a working thingie, don’t we?

If by working you mean “the blueprint exists and we’ve coaxed the little guys into building it,” then yeah, sure. If by working you mean, “it’s literally the shell of a V-1 rocket and missing almost all of its internal electronics,” then yeah, sure.

Come on, most of the little guys are as dumb as bricks. I took this thing apart earlier myself just to check. It’s literally a shell. There’s no control compartment. No combustion chamber. No fuel tanks. No piping or wires or anything. Literally all warhead.

…Okay, not all warhead, but definitely a very large warhead. Way bigger than what you’d actually expect from a thing of this size.

So can we shoot it now?

*sigh* Very well. Though I have to warn you. It’s not going to do anything. Plus, the launch rails are designed for my Loons. Not sure how well one of these would actually work. Not like we’d have much use for a V-1 unless the fairy “variant” solves its horrendous accuracy issues anyways. Unless the Abyssals show up with some kinda continent-sized weapon or something…

Scheibenhonig! I’m pressing the button and nothing’s happening Lori!

Lemme try. You’re probably not hitting it hard enough! 

Okay. You two. First of all, gentle on my equipment. I lovingly crafted every part of that with my own two hands you know!

Second of all. Did you turn the power on? No? Here. I’ll do it. Of course nothing’s going to –

*FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH*

…Yay?

Um.

That worked, right? Man, it’s so fast! Awesome!

Uh.

ALL UNITS AUTHORIZED TO RECEIVE

MISSILE LAUNCH DETECTED

REPEAT

MISSILE LAUNCH DETECTED

18° 8′ 34.8864” N
159° 6′ 1.2312” W

COURSE 30 DEGREES RELATIVE TO CURRENT LOCATION

Na, is that MERLIN broadcast? This is exciting! Is this for reals?

Um, Dracha. Cusk. Is that us?

*nods wordlessly*

… Uh oh.

… Are we in trouble?

*nods wordlessly*


Some time later…


Alright, Cusk. What have we learned today?

You don’t need to be an ass about it, Jer. Mike’s shut himself in the office doing paperwork. I feel bad enough already.

*taps feet* So. What have we learned today?

A significant gap in the working knowledge of fairy equipment exists in our R&D pipeline. A lot of work’ll be necessary to enhance our current understanding to acceptable levels.

Also, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it… It’s not the actual thing… It doesn’t need to work like the actual thing… I spend all that time miniaturizing fuel sources for the fairy-derived Loon, I should’ve known to check the shell itself, uugh…

And the bright side?

We received very valuable data on Avalon base’s shielding capabilities.

No materiel damage occurred.

Okie got really scared (I would be too if it looks like something was flying right at me) but she wasn’t hurt.

We can probably reconfigure the blueprint the little guys came up with and massively accelerate the Loon project.

…Can I have a moment? I just want to sulk a bit. Thanks.

Sure. 

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